Dearest Husband...

Following is a letter to "Dearest Husband" though I'd like to be clear that I'm writing to husbands in general and not my own dear sweet very understanding and gracious husband who would never need a letter like this. Though he jokingly has asked the question, "What have you been doing all day?" he knows better than to ask it seriously. However, I know many husbands do. So this is a letter to them. The following events did take place and none of the story has been exaggerated for entertainment value...it didn't have to be.

Dearest Husband,

When you came home from work today to find the house a wreck and dinner no where in sight, you asked me what I'd been doing all day. After all taking care of a baby who sleeps most of the day can't be that difficult, right? So I thought I'd write you a letter to explain just what I've been doing all day.

After Lula's morning feeding which I moved up 30 minutes so I could feed her before my doctor's appointment later today, I quickly dressed myself and changed her diaper. I had already prepared my grocery list and bag to be ready to leave as soon as she had finished eating. I placed Lu in her car seat. Then returned to get the dogs corralled in the laundry room. Then Lula and I headed to the grocery store. I put Lula in her sling as this seemed like the easiest way to tote her through the store. However, for some reason she decided to turn her head towards my body and I was worried the entire time that she was suffocating. I continuously tried to turn her head, but she wouldn't cooperate. So every few minutes I checked to make sure she was still breathing. This was very stressful!

Near the end of the shopping trip, Lula decided she was tired of being woken unexpectedly and started screaming her head off while every one looked on as if I was a horrible mother and torturing my child in her very comfortable sling. We finally got to the car where I settled her in her car seat at which point she instantly stopped crying. A lady returning her cart near my car said, "Someone's finally happy," making me realize that people had actually been watching and it wasn't just my paranoia as a new mom. Haven't people ever heard babies cry before? It's what they do!

Returning home, I got Lula out and put her down in her crib to finish her nap. Instead she simply stared into space for the next hour while I put the groceries away and tried to lay down for a few minutes myself. Around 9:30 I fed her again, played with her for a few minutes, and put her back down for the next nap. This all took about an hour. I tried to sleep a little more as I still felt delirious from the eventful night before where I had very little sleep. Knowing I had a doctor's appointment coming up at 1pm, I set my alarm for 11:30 so I could eat and prepare before Lula woke up.

At 11:30, I woke, ate, and prepared to leave for the doctor's appointment. At this time, I received a call from a dear friend who needed somewhere to leave her dog for a few hours. She dropped the dog off which of course caused my Maggie to start barking. I went to get Lula and brought her downstairs where the dogs were behaving fairly well together. As I fed Lula I watched our visitor run up and down the stairs looking for her owner. Nearing the end of her meal, Lula unlatched and made sounds that can only mean we are about to be covered with her projectile vomit. Sure enough, she blew. I was able to catch a lot of it on the burp cloth, but it still went all over me, her, the boppy, and the couch. It was 12:35. Debating whether to cancel my doctor's appointment or not, I sat covered in milk, and finally decided that I had to learn how to deal with such catastrophe's and live my life.

I first put the dogs up so that our visitor wouldn't follow me upstairs, but this caused Maggie to start barking hysterically for the rest of the following episode. This was my background music. Cleaning up the mess as quickly as I could, leaving the slip covers and boppy for another time, I rushed upstairs, took my clothes off and proceeded to change Lula. Lying on her changing table, which no longer has a cover because what's the point, I undressed her, naively leaving her sleeper under her as I checked her diaper. Un-diapered, the cool breeze enticed her to pee. Following this, she decided to poop. She has just transitioned into pooping about once a day. So when she does go, she really goes! Her entire outfit, already covered in milk and pee, was now covered in runny poop. It was then I decided to cancel my appointment, changing it for a day when Jay could watch her while I went.

Deciding on a plan of action to get her cleaned up, I got a wet rag and extracted the soggy, dripping garment from under her. I ran it to the bathroom sink and returned to clean my child only to find that she was peeing again. Only this time there was no cloth under her to soak it up. So it went completely up her back and soaked her hair. Not sure how to get this now soggy, dripping child clean, I simply picked her up and put her in her bathtub where she received a bath in the middle of the day instead of at night as usual. Now clean and in a new outfit, I decided to see if she was still hungry since she had just gotten rid of every fluid that could possibly be in her body. Letting the dogs out of the laundry room, they began chasing each other causing quite a raucous.

I attempted to warm a bottle for Lula since I was depleted, and then I sat down at the table to feed her. She tried to eat a little, but was rather distracted from all the barking that was going on. So I took her upstairs where I was followed by our little visitor. She wasn't really interested in eating though. So I put her down for a nap as she seemed exhausted. My friend came back at this point to pick up her dog. I then attempted to clean up the house a little. I removed the slip covers from the couch, got the laundry from upstairs and started to spray everything down. I debated whether to simply throw away the soiled sleeper, but decided to salvage it. So I sprayed it with Shout It Out and started to throw it in when I realized that there was poop down in the feet of the sleeper. So I rinsed it out in the sink, sprayed it again, and threw it in the wash with everything else. I got that started and tried to do a few other things around the house. Then I looked to see that Lula was staring into space again. I hated for her to be awake and me not interacting with her. So I brought her downstairs and turned a movie on I've been watching over the past few days. (It's nearly impossible to watch a whole movie in one sitting these days.) She immediately fell asleep in my arms with her pacifier. I couldn't keep my eyes open. So I turned the movie off and we took a nice long nap together. After this she ate again, barely, and immediately went back to sleep.

The rest of the day was "normal" thankfully. But that, dear husband, is what I've been doing all day!

Love,
Your tired wife

Baby Legs

Nana went on a little shopping spree for Lula and she now owns three pairs of Baby Legs. Can I say that every child, boys included, should have at least one pair of Baby Legs? They are absolutely adorable, very versatile, and can be worn for years. Mom also insisted on buying Lula some hair paraphernalia after several people mistook her for a boy...I do have a lot of "neutral" clothes and baby gear. So here are some pics of her new items.



The reason Lula looks so content in these pictures is because it's the calm before the storm...meaning a storm of throw up. So much for a photo shoot!

Lula loves her little bouncer. Here's a perfect example of why people think she's a boy! But I don't care. I love the neutral things!

Mollie likes to stand guard in case we turn our backs and Lula's toes are up for licking...or the pacifier comes out and Mollie can confiscate it.

Nana's last days with Lula. She's pretty in love and kept threatening to put Lula in her suitcase. It was wonderful having her here and her presence has definitely been missed today...my first complete day with just Lula and me...as Jay is out of town as well.



We miss you, Nana!

Firsts

Lula is 4 weeks old today and therefore has had a lot of "firsts" recently. We started receiving mail for her for the first time including her social security card. My comment was, "well, now she's real." Jay thought it was amusing that the social security card made her a real person. Oddly enough, Evie, who was staying with me for the week to help out, made the same comment! It was very strange to see her name on mail. It really did made her seem real for some reason.

Lula also celebrated her first Mother's Day...well, I guess I celebrated MY first Mother's Day because of Lula! We had a lovely evening at Lola's in Nixa with Pat, David, Jay, me, Lula, and my mom. My mom flew in Friday to spend 10 days with us. This is the first Mother's Day I've had with her in years. It is so wonderful to have her here. She's been giving Lula a bottle at her late night feeding which allows me to sleep for 5-6 glorious hours! I'm not sure what I'll do when she leaves! Here is Pat feeding Lula at Lola's. She made it through the whole meal and only started squawking at the end.

Three generations: Mom, me, Lula...Pat, Jay, Lula
Lu was NOT happy about being woken from a peaceful nap to play dress up. After Jay and Mom tortured her for a while changing her into numerous outfits that still don't fit my tiny fairy, Mom and I decided on this fru-fru dress that actually fits her!
Oh what a day! Lula also had her first gusher this week...meaning not spit up, but throw up. I was feeding her on the couch while mom was upstairs working on the computer. Lula took a break and was still laying on her side facing my uncovered body when I heard what sounded like a burp rising up from her tiny belly. But it was MUCH more than that! She projectile vomited three times in a row and literally covered both of us, the boppy, and the couch. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry and was doing both while I yelled for mom to come help. I'm not sure what I would have done if she hadn't been there! She got a wash cloth and we started with Lula. We got her cleaned up and Mom took her while I stripped from the waist up and then stripped the boppy. I then wiped down the couch as best I could (good thing it's slip-covered!) After all of this, I looked up to find that Mollie had stolen Lula's pacifier off the coffee table and was enjoying her new "toy." Still half naked, I ran over to get it from her before she destroyed it. As I approached her with a reprimanding tone, she rolled over on her back with the pacifier still in her mouth just like a baby! It was too hilarious and I held onto her paw while Mom searched for the camera. Remember I'm still half naked, it's broad daylight and the blinds are all open! But we had to get the picture! Modesty? What's that? It was quite a morning!
Laid back Lu:


Lula also had her first "real" bath this week since her cord finally fell off last week. I was thrilled to use my "Euro Tub" and Lula seemed to love it too. She was so relaxed in fact that she proceeded to poop in her tub after we had completely cleaned her! After we got her out and completely cleaned from her own filth, I laid her down to put her diaper on and she decided to pee! So much for a clean baby!

God is the Boob

Sacrilegious? Perhaps, but also an excellent analogy of our relationship with God. As I've spent many hours feeding Lula over the last three weeks of her new life, I've had lots of time to think and speculate. As I watched my precious little one try to nurse one day, it occurred to me that the way she was reacting to my breast was a perfect analogy for the way we react to God. (Stay with me here...there is a point!) Often as Lula begins to root to be fed, I will pull her close to me within inches of the very source of sustenance she is seeking. But instead of latching on to the one thing that will fill her belly and satisfy her, she turns her head away as far from me as she can with mouth wide open. I gently have to turn her back towards me to guide her. Then just as she is about to latch on, she will stick her little fingers in her mouth instead and suck greedily on them hoping to quench her hunger only to find that is not the source she is looking for either.

As I watch her do this over and over, it occurs to me that we do the same with God. He has exactly what we need, but we often seek other sources to find fulfillment. It's not that He's missing or far away, it's that we're seeking in all the wrong places when He is right in front of us. Not only that, but He often tries to gently nudge us in the right direction, but we resist and try to find our own way. Most importantly, Lula can finally find my breast, even take it in her little mouth, but if she doesn't latch on and start sucking, the milk will not flow. Actually, the milk does flow in my case, but she doesn't get any of it! The same is true with us. We can go to church, own a Bible, even pray a little here and there, but if we don't really "latch on" and start "sucking" we're left high and dry, terribly hungry, and very unsatisfied just like little Lula. The river of life is there, we simply have to latch on. Just latch on, little Lula.

Porky Pig

Lula had her second doctor's visit today. We discovered that she is eating very well!!! Her birth weight was 6 lbs. 14 oz. Her discharge weight (48 hours later) was 6 lbs. 8 oz. At her check up two days after that she was back up to 6 lbs. 11 oz. Today, one week and one day later, she was up to 7 lbs. 12 oz.!!! Usually the doctors are looking for the baby to be back to his/her birth weight by 2 weeks. Lula won't be two weeks until Friday and she's gained almost a pound more than her birth weight! They were very impressed. Obviously she's getting some good eatin'. Jay was a little concerned because she only feeds for 10 to 15 minutes about every 3 hours, but we noticed her feeling heavier and her little rolls starting to fill out. So I don't think there's any danger! Anyway, everything else looked good too.

Here's a little pic of Lula on her way to the doctor. She's gaining weight, but still pretty small for her enormous car seat!

We thought we'd take advantage of me having make up and "real" clothes on for the first time in a week:

Sweet Little Lula

People have asked how the dogs are doing with Lula's arrival. The answer: surprisingly good! Maggie seems to be protective and jealous at the same time, but she also "gets it." She was a little prima donna before Lula's arrival, but she now realizes that she is no longer queen bee. Proof? On rainy nights, Maggie insists on sleeping with Jay and I and lets up know by barking until we get her. But a couple nights ago during a severe thunderstorm, all that was heard from down below was whimpering. She didn't even bark! This is truly a miracle! Mollie is simply curious and loves to sniff Lula, but she also is very gentle and understands that Lula is not a toy!

Despite the pictures below, where Maggie seems to be trying to smother Lula with her tail, I think she will love Lula and be very protective of her as she is of me.


Jay has been wondering when Lula would start smiling in response to us. She's not quite old enough yet and we're certainly not trying to rush her, but it's so fun when her muscles cause her to smile in her sleep. Jay has tried to capture this on numerous occasions as this seems to be one of the developmental stages he's looking forward to the most.




Below is Lula in her Moses Basket where she spends most of her days and nights. This was one of the best purchases we made! Since all of the bedrooms are upstairs in our house, the basket is easy to move around and put wherever we are at the moment. Lula loves her basket. But she also has started to interact more. It was fun to watch her "play" with Pat yesterday. Grandma Pat came over yesterday to hang out with Lula for a while. She brought me lunch and then had "activity time" with Lula. Lula watched Pat move her fingers around and even reached out to grasp Pat's hands. She seemed to really enjoy the visit...assumption made because she wasn't fussing! Anyway, it's fun to see her interacting more and being more alert and I'm so thankful that Lula has at least one set of grandparents close by.



Why have a kid if you can't pose them and take cute pics!? I never thought I'd be one of those parents that loved taking pictures of my kid and sharing with the world, but she's just so stinkin' cute! I can't help myself!

Lula's first doctor's visit and the last time I left the house! Jay asked me yesterday if I had left the house recently. The answer...not since the doctor's visit last Tuesday! Hey...I'm trying to recover here! I have to say, I haven't missed being out! I'm such a home body, and Lula has been a wonderful full time job so far. So I'm perfectly content. Although I am looking forward to her second doctor's visit today and even put some make up on! Watch out!

Lula's first appointment went very well. She had surprisingly already gained some weight back and we're expecting to hear some significant growth today. We can tell that's she's gained some weight and she's even starting to fill out some fat rolls! Woo hoo! I love chubby babies...but right now she has some seriously long chicken legs like her father! So we're hoping to fill those out soon!

Birth Story

Scheduled to arrive at 6am, Jay and I laughed as we headed to the hospital late for the birth of our daughter...after all, Starbuck's was necessary to get Jay through the trials of labor and delivery. We arrived at about 6:30am, got settled into our delivery room, and began the process. This was all very surreal and I still couldn't believe that in a few hours I would have a child. After two different nurses stuck me 4 times for the IV, they finally started me on a very low pitocin drip around 8am while Jay set up my "Labor Worship" playlist on the ipod, which occasionally kept me sane throughout delivery. But the baby didn't handle the pitocin well at all. Her heart rate dropped almost immediately and several nurses calmly came in, rolled me around, placing me on my hands and knees, and finally stopped the drip altogether. Then Dr. Stamps came in. He decided to break my water, mainly to put an internal monitor on the baby so they could watch her more closely. He explained that if she didn't handle the pitocin this time, I'd be headed to surgery for a C-section. Having birth "preferences" instead of a "plan," I was mentally prepared for them to do whatever was necessary to deliver the baby that day. So they tried the pitocin again around 9am. This time she did absolutely fine with it and her heart rate remained normal throughout the rest of delivery.

The contractions started pretty quickly but not too bad at first and of course my water was also broken so it was kind of a double whammy! My family (consisting of my parents, Jay's mom and her husband, and Evie) came in for a while, but I started getting into serious contractions pretty quickly and needed to focus. Jay was wonderful and helped me breathe and we tried different pressure points. My mom also helped with pressure at various times. Finally they were getting too intense and we asked everyone to leave. I could not have made it through this process without the advice and coaching of Julie White. While I had always planned to have an epidural, she helped us prepare for the contractions before hand and also in case the epidural wasn't possible for whatever reason. She had explained how to completely relax and moan through the contractions. I was embarrassed to do so at first, but as the contractions became more and more painful, I put my pride aside and went for some cow lowing! My family said they could hear me in the hall as they all stood with their ears to the door the entire time! Jay also video-taped one contraction which is rather embarrassing, but again, wouldn't have made it without the animal noises!

It was also tremendous help to have my worship music playing. Many times as my mind began to focus on the pain, I would instead turn my attention to the lyrics of the song playing. I tried to impossibly explain to Jay today that it was like I was physically lifted above the pain when I focused on the music. It was a very bizarre experience...maybe what meditation feels like.

I was amazed at how quick and strong the contractions were coming and felt like a wimp when I asked for an epidural since I'd only been laboring for an hour or so. But the nurse checked me and said I was at 4cm and the contractions were steady and stable. So they ordered the epidural and thankfully he came quickly because I progressed VERY quickly! Just like with the IV, the anesthesiologist had trouble placing the catheter and I suffered through at least 10 minutes of excruciating contractions while he worked on my back and I tried to remain as still as possible. After the epidural she checked me again and I was already at 8! This happened in about 2 hours: from 4 to 8! So it's no wonder I was struggling through my contractions and they were so strong. I was pretty proud of myself when I found that out! We figured I was probably around 6 or 7 when they put the epidural in. Thankfully I asked for it when I did or it might have been too late! I had no idea I had progressed so fast as the nurse didn't check me that much because she wasn't expecting it either!

It took a while for the epi to kick in and I was starting to get nervous because I was still having to breathe through and concentrate on the contractions. So we kicked it up a notch. Finally I could feel nothing and it was absolute bliss! My family came back in one by one and laughed at how unbelievably happy I was with the epidural! I even thought about naming the baby after the man who invented it! So I relaxed for a while and thankfully the contractions didn't slow down and the labor progressed just as quickly. Jay kept his eye on the monitor and noticed when I went into transition contractions and finally pushing contractions none of which I could feel.

Then came the hardest part...pushing! Woo! I pushed for over 2 hours and could feel quite a bit of it, especially the baby coming out. Apparently the epidural does not cover this particular part of the process as much. They had me do the hold your breath method which made me feel like I was going to pop a vein! So Jay calmly and nicely asked if I could breathe through them as our birthing instructor Julie had suggested. The nurse was absolutely wonderful, Praise the Lord! We loved her. Anyway, she let me try that for a while too. It took about an hour for the baby to get past my pelvic bone and start making real progress. Once that happened it moved pretty quickly. At one point Jay also asked if gravity would help as they had my legs up in the air and things simply did not progress at first. So we took a break, they dangled my legs and let me sit up for a while. I pushed when I felt the urge, but not with the same intensity. Anyway, when they came back, I had progressed significantly and we were able to make real progress after that. It was amazing how much I could feel. My contractions started to get strong again...but they had also turned the pitocin up a bit. All of this was absolutely exhausting.

Once the baby got past that certain point, things moved so fast that they had me stop pushing to make sure Dr. Stamps was there in time! I could easily feel her coming out and the urge to push was pretty strong. It also helped with the pain when I actually pushed. It took the pressure off of the contraction. Anyway, when Dr. Stamps came in, he went right to work and not a moment too soon. I think I only pushed 2-3 times with him there before she came out! A friend who had a C-section wanted very specifics on what this felt like. This is going to be gross...I apologize, but the fact is, it feels like you're having the biggest bowel movement ever...only in a different spot. That's truly the best way to describe it and that thought actually crossed my mind once during labor! In any case, he did an episiotomy and didn't even ask, possibly because the baby was in distress. It's incredibly painful. They said it was a second degree with a four being the worst. Thankfully it wasn't worse than that.

She was in distress when she came out. They were going to lay her on me immediately when she came out and even had a sheet prepared on my belly, but instead, as soon as she slid through, she was handed off to the nurses who very quickly called in a high risk specialist because she wasn't breathing and was unresponsive. Obviously we were rather worried, but there was so much going on with Dr.Stamps finishing me up and all the people working on her that I wasn't sure what was going on. When I realized that something was wrong, I asked Jay to tell the family to pray, but he had already sent a text saying, "Baby is here. Please pray." which of course sent them into a frenzy. Finally, they got her stable and gave her to us. The specialist really didn't answer our questions directly. We were simply looking for a "she's fine...nothing to worry about." That ended up being the case however.

My beautiful baby girl was placed in my arms. I couldn't believe how beautiful and perfect she was. What an amazing moment. We finally let the family in and they all took turns passing her around. Then Jay and I had a few moments to ourselves and we discussed her name, but didn't get very far. I also tried to nurse, but she wasn't alert enough after her rough entry into the world. We were then moved to our room where I would begin recovery. Oh yeah! I forgot about that part! After all, having the baby had been the main focus all along and no one discussed that I would be in a lot of pain and physically exhausted for days. But that’s how it works! Imagine going to the bathroom with stitches and what feels kind of like a really severe rug burn! Not so fun! But of course, the baby is totally worth it and makes the pain very dim in comparison.

I tried to nurse again that night, but wasn’t very successful as the nurse was rather rough with the baby as she tried to “help” her latch on. It was really stressful. Jay and I were so tired that we gave in and gave her formula that night, determined to get her through her sugar level tests and to get some rest, knowing I could try again in the morning. It’s amazing how many of the issues I was adamant about beforehand completely changed once in the situation! I knew this was a possibility though, so I didn’t beat myself up about it.

The next day was much better and Lula Mae has been nursing very nicely ever since and now refuses to take a bottle! It’s wonderful to have her home and I just love looking at this little one and discovering her more and more every day. She is such a blessing and I can’t imagine my life without her. And that’s my story!