Following is a letter to "Dearest Husband" though I'd like to be clear that I'm writing to husbands in general and not my own dear sweet very understanding and gracious husband who would never need a letter like this. Though he jokingly has asked the question, "What have you been doing all day?" he knows better than to ask it seriously. However, I know many husbands do. So this is a letter to them. The following events did take place and none of the story has been exaggerated for entertainment value...it didn't have to be.
Dearest Husband,
When you came home from work today to find the house a wreck and dinner no where in sight, you asked me what I'd been doing all day. After all taking care of a baby who sleeps most of the day can't be that difficult, right? So I thought I'd write you a letter to explain just what I've been doing all day.
After Lula's morning feeding which I moved up 30 minutes so I could feed her before my doctor's appointment later today, I quickly dressed myself and changed her diaper. I had already prepared my grocery list and bag to be ready to leave as soon as she had finished eating. I placed Lu in her car seat. Then returned to get the dogs corralled in the laundry room. Then Lula and I headed to the grocery store. I put Lula in her sling as this seemed like the easiest way to tote her through the store. However, for some reason she decided to turn her head towards my body and I was worried the entire time that she was suffocating. I continuously tried to turn her head, but she wouldn't cooperate. So every few minutes I checked to make sure she was still breathing. This was very stressful!
Near the end of the shopping trip, Lula decided she was tired of being woken unexpectedly and started screaming her head off while every one looked on as if I was a horrible mother and torturing my child in her very comfortable sling. We finally got to the car where I settled her in her car seat at which point she instantly stopped crying. A lady returning her cart near my car said, "Someone's finally happy," making me realize that people had actually been watching and it wasn't just my paranoia as a new mom. Haven't people ever heard babies cry before? It's what they do!
Returning home, I got Lula out and put her down in her crib to finish her nap. Instead she simply stared into space for the next hour while I put the groceries away and tried to lay down for a few minutes myself. Around 9:30 I fed her again, played with her for a few minutes, and put her back down for the next nap. This all took about an hour. I tried to sleep a little more as I still felt delirious from the eventful night before where I had very little sleep. Knowing I had a doctor's appointment coming up at 1pm, I set my alarm for 11:30 so I could eat and prepare before Lula woke up.
At 11:30, I woke, ate, and prepared to leave for the doctor's appointment. At this time, I received a call from a dear friend who needed somewhere to leave her dog for a few hours. She dropped the dog off which of course caused my Maggie to start barking. I went to get Lula and brought her downstairs where the dogs were behaving fairly well together. As I fed Lula I watched our visitor run up and down the stairs looking for her owner. Nearing the end of her meal, Lula unlatched and made sounds that can only mean we are about to be covered with her projectile vomit. Sure enough, she blew. I was able to catch a lot of it on the burp cloth, but it still went all over me, her, the boppy, and the couch. It was 12:35. Debating whether to cancel my doctor's appointment or not, I sat covered in milk, and finally decided that I had to learn how to deal with such catastrophe's and live my life.
I first put the dogs up so that our visitor wouldn't follow me upstairs, but this caused Maggie to start barking hysterically for the rest of the following episode. This was my background music. Cleaning up the mess as quickly as I could, leaving the slip covers and boppy for another time, I rushed upstairs, took my clothes off and proceeded to change Lula. Lying on her changing table, which no longer has a cover because what's the point, I undressed her, naively leaving her sleeper under her as I checked her diaper. Un-diapered, the cool breeze enticed her to pee. Following this, she decided to poop. She has just transitioned into pooping about once a day. So when she does go, she really goes! Her entire outfit, already covered in milk and pee, was now covered in runny poop. It was then I decided to cancel my appointment, changing it for a day when Jay could watch her while I went.
Deciding on a plan of action to get her cleaned up, I got a wet rag and extracted the soggy, dripping garment from under her. I ran it to the bathroom sink and returned to clean my child only to find that she was peeing again. Only this time there was no cloth under her to soak it up. So it went completely up her back and soaked her hair. Not sure how to get this now soggy, dripping child clean, I simply picked her up and put her in her bathtub where she received a bath in the middle of the day instead of at night as usual. Now clean and in a new outfit, I decided to see if she was still hungry since she had just gotten rid of every fluid that could possibly be in her body. Letting the dogs out of the laundry room, they began chasing each other causing quite a raucous.
I attempted to warm a bottle for Lula since I was depleted, and then I sat down at the table to feed her. She tried to eat a little, but was rather distracted from all the barking that was going on. So I took her upstairs where I was followed by our little visitor. She wasn't really interested in eating though. So I put her down for a nap as she seemed exhausted. My friend came back at this point to pick up her dog. I then attempted to clean up the house a little. I removed the slip covers from the couch, got the laundry from upstairs and started to spray everything down. I debated whether to simply throw away the soiled sleeper, but decided to salvage it. So I sprayed it with Shout It Out and started to throw it in when I realized that there was poop down in the feet of the sleeper. So I rinsed it out in the sink, sprayed it again, and threw it in the wash with everything else. I got that started and tried to do a few other things around the house. Then I looked to see that Lula was staring into space again. I hated for her to be awake and me not interacting with her. So I brought her downstairs and turned a movie on I've been watching over the past few days. (It's nearly impossible to watch a whole movie in one sitting these days.) She immediately fell asleep in my arms with her pacifier. I couldn't keep my eyes open. So I turned the movie off and we took a nice long nap together. After this she ate again, barely, and immediately went back to sleep.
The rest of the day was "normal" thankfully. But that, dear husband, is what I've been doing all day!
Love,
Your tired wife
1 year ago

















